Patience and Reconciliation

Daniella got married when she was 22. She and her husband met in college, and they entered med school together. Fast forward ten years, and the combination of busyness, emotional distance, and alcohol dependence set the stage for Daniella to have an affair with the husband of her best friend. The secret eventually surfaced, and she and her husband separated. After couples counseling and a lot of thinking, she and her husband reunited. The Daniella who came into my office was calm, sober, happily married, and ready to keep thinking about herself so that her anxiety and immaturity didn’t run the show in her relationships.


Essay in New York Magazine

19-therapy-culture-therapizing-friends.w710.h473Not long ago, a close friend of mine was struggling with a huge life decision: Should she marry her long-term partner, or was it time to part ways? “Be my therapist!” she begged me at one point, when the two of us were hanging out with a group of friends. I tried to deflect, but she kept requesting my advice, like it was a party trick. Over the course of the night, I watched as our other friends offered their own opinions on her partner, only sharing my thoughts when we finally got a moment alone.

Read the rest of my essay from New York magazine here.



Healthy Conversations to Have

Pills-624x416In the United States, 1 in 6 adults has a prescription for a psychiatric drug. That ratio only increases among individuals who walk into counselors’ offices, leaving many counselors feeling that they must perform a special type of tightrope act to talk about medications with their clients. Given that licensed professional counselors don’t possess prescription privileges, some counselors feel that they lack the training to carry on such discussions. Other counselors fear letting their own beliefs and biases show. Regardless of the reason, some counselors are quick to refer clients back to their doctors or psychiatrists rather than engaging clients in a thorough conversation about medication management themselves.

Read the rest at Counseling Today.


Facing the fear of incompetence

Doubt-624x416.jpgWhen Karena Heyward and Jessica Lloyd-Hazlett were enrolled in graduate school together at the College of William & Mary, they agreed to split the cost of a hotel room while attending the American Counseling Association’s annual conference. The two counselors didn’t know each other very well, but over the course of the weekend they found themselves engaging in long, authentic conversations about their lives. Returning home, they reflected on the topic of vulnerability, and the two began to build a friendship based on helping each other through difficult moments in the counseling profession and life in general.

Read the rest at Counseling Today.


Students and Divorce: A Guide for School Counselors

Check out my guide to students and divorce for School Counselors @NYUCounseling!



Is it OK to have it all?


In January issue of Counseling Today 

As Lindsey Mitchell approached the end of her doctoral program in counseling at George Washington University, she wasn’t quite sure what was next. After a decade of intense focus on her education, she found her career options in the field both exciting and intimidating. When Mitchell began talking to other women in her program about career choices, she realized that questions about ambition, leadership and family were common among female counselors.

Energized by these discussions with her colleagues, Mitchell decided to take the conversation to the American Counseling Association’s 2016 Conference & Expo in Montréal. Her idea took shape as a panel session called “To Lean In or Not to Lean In: The Diverse Experiences of Women in the Counseling Field.” The title alone was enough to catch the attention of many women at the conference and set the stage for an engaging talk between four ambitious and thoughtful counselors.

Read the rest here.


7 Signs Your Therapist Is Good At Their Job (Because Some Of Us Are Weirdos)

madmenFinding a good therapist is a lot like shopping for a good pair of pants. You’re going to have to try a few on and maybe even make a few alterations before they start working for you and help you feel great about yourself. Science tells us that psychotherapy works just as well if not better than medication, but unlike a pill, your therapist is a human. This means that personalities can clash, misunderstandings can occur, or occasionally people can just be outright weirdos. But once you get started, how do you really know you’ve found a good therapist?

Read the read on Bustle.


No laughing matter?

My latest in Counseling Today

A client comes in for his first counseling session. He has a carrot sticking up his nose and a banana in his left ear.

“Help!” the client cries. “Can you tell me what’s wrong with me?”

“Simple,” the counselor says calmly. “YoLaugh_smallu’re not eating properly.”

Laughter is an essential part of the human experience, so it’s no coincidence that a profession that tries to make sense of the complexity and absurdity of human nature occasionally finds itself the butt of a joke or the punch line of a comic strip. In its ongoing quest to be “taken seriously,” however, the counseling profession seemingly sometimes forgets that humor can be a key component of wellness and even the therapeutic relationship.

The profession’s squeamishness with jokes arguably can be traced back to the image problem that psychotherapy has in the media, with TV show counselors often portrayed as zany bohemian personalities in offices full of waterfalls and wind chimes. If Tracey Ullman as Ally McBeal’s karaoke-singing shrink and Lisa Kudrow on her Web Therapy comedy series have served as our ambassadors to the world, then no wonder we’re so nervous.

Read the rest here.


I Want What I’m Worth

treeFor Counseling Today Online:

This past May, I stumbled out of my university’s basement counseling clinic and into the sunlight. The unremitting winter had spanned my work as a doctoral intern as I supervised master’s students, counseled clients and conducted administrative work. For the sum total of zero dollars and zero cents. Read more


Grim Job Prospects for Mental Health Grads

For Psychotherapy Networker May/June 2014:

For graduate education in the field of mental health, 2013 was a booming year. Approximately 39,500 students were enrolled in the 639 accredited graduate programs in counseling, and doctoral programs in clinical psychology reviewed a staggering 44,753 applications from prospective students, which was a 24 percent increase from 2009. But where exactly did the 10,260 degree earners from mental health counseling programs in 2013 land after the pomp and circumstance of graduation? And why do students continue to pour into graduate programs when they often face grim employment prospects or incredibly low-paying work in the nonprofit sector upon graduation? Read more