bowen family systems theory

Filling in the Maturity Gaps

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Morgan came to counseling because of her boyfriend. He’d been seeing a therapist for the past several months, and she was impressed with his improved focus on his mental and physical health. When I asked her what she wanted to be different, she said that she struggled with low self-esteem when it came to her career and her appearance.

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Measuring Maturity

When I first talk with potential therapy clients, I have two favorite questions that I like to ask:

  1. How would you know that things were getting better?
  2. How would you be functioning differently than you are right now?

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Most people can do a pretty good job at listing their complaints, discomforts, and symptoms. Describing a higher level of mature functioning, however, takes some thinking.  In a few weeks I’m giving a presentation about how I’ve worked on my overall functioning. So I’ve been thinking a lot about how I have measured my own progress as I work on myself. I’ve asked myself those two questions—how do I see things improving, and how have changes in my functioning contributed to this?

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Act Your Age

Online Exclusive for Counseling Today:

I sit up straight in my chair in the small office, nudging my glasses up the bridge of my nose and hoping my new client doesn’t realize we’re the same age. Yet her comfort level with these new surroundings appears seamless as she tucks her legs underneath her and explains why she is dressed for gym. Yoga is the only thing that lightens her depression.

“I’m not interested in being medicated,” she asserts, even if that means lying awake all night. She admits that the nights are the worst, when her fear of the future waits by her bedside like a dog wanting to be taken out, tail thumping anxiously. Read more